Mother of God...

The conspiracy is far more wide -reaching than I thought. We are at the Saints game and were just informed that there is no chili at the Superdome.

Governor Jindal must be made aware of this. We may need to mobilize the National Guard.

It Puts the Email in the Inbox Or Else It Gets the Hose Again

nochilinopeace@gmail.com

PUT THE FUCKING EMAIL IN THE INBOX!!!!

Chili Held Hostage, Day 47

It's been 47 days since the first preseason game at New Orleans Arena, when we were first informed that the concession overlords were taking chili away from the hard working, hungry fans.

More importantly, though, it's been two weeks since I sent my letter to the Arena's management. I have not received a reply. That means it's time for a follow-up:

Greetings.

It was forty-seven days ago at the first preseason game that this hard-working, hungry fan of the New Orleans Hornets was informed that chili had been removed from the menu at the concession stands at the Arena. I asked why but, sadly, my request for an explanation fell on deaf ears, as it did a second time at the regular season opener weeks later. To this day, I've not heard so much as a word explaining the rationale behind this arbitrary, unilaterally-imposed decision. Your refusal to explain this oppression of fans who want the freedom to choose how their hot dogs and/or nachos are topped is, at the very least, rude. However, I think the reason for your silence is something far more sinister than simple discourtesy. It's patently obvious that they've gotten to you.

Who, you ask? Big Condiment. That's who.

You're in their pocket, and we know it. Oh yes, that's right - it's not just me, it's we. Others have joined the movement, and still others more will follow. Until such time as chili is returned to the menu, our boycott of the concession stands in the Arena continues. The oppression of the chilitariat will not be tolerated, and the Chili Revolution will not be silenced.

NO CHILI, NO PEACE!!!!

Fancy a Spot of Chili? You're Damn Right I Do.

You're looking at a picture that was sent to us by a friend of the Chili Revolution in New York City. We'll call him "Josh" (mainly because that's his name. Hey, buddy - you're on a blog!). He took the picture at the Saints/Chargers game in Wembley Stadium. To be able to get a chili dog in a high school stadium is one thing...but the fact that the concession overlords and Big Condiment can conspire to take away our chili at the New Orleans Arena while the British - the British! - are allowed to enjoy it is nothing short of criminal. I dare say it borders on light treason. I urge you to write your Congressman - no, the State Department because this incident just became international!

Stay tuned this weekend for our expose' on how John Scheer, the guy from those "Video Professor" commercials is connected to the conspiracy.

(Okay, that's not true. I can't back that up.)

...and the fans said, "Who?"

T-P reporting that Sean Marks actually got out of business casual and into a basketball uniform and actually participated in an actual practice today. Not reported in the story, though, is the secret to his recovery: he found out this morning that, unlike at the New Orleans Arena, you can get chili at the concession stands at the Alario Center. It's well-documented that chili dogs are to native New Zealanders as spinach is to Popeye. It's science...and it's the colective fault of those parties to the New Orleans Arena Chili Conspiracy that Marks didn't recover sooner.

Sean Marks Practices (NOLA.com)

A Lesson the New Orleans Arena Could Learn From High School

I spent this morning at Joe Yenni Stadium in Metairie watching my alma mater, Brother Martin, beat Rummel to wrap up a division title and tie a bow around an undefeated regular season (go 'Saders!). If you've never had the pleasure of experiencing the Yenni, it is a rinky-dink shit hole of a high school football stadium. It makes Tad Gormley look like the fucking Taj Mahal. It seats roughly 14 people and it does not even have a Visitors locker room (Brother Martin had to take its halftime at a table that was set up behind one of the end zones - true story). Despite its shortcomings, even this crap hole of a stadium has chili at its concession stands. The concession overlords are being outdone by a HIGH SCHOOL stadium!

A Quick Clarification

I'll keep this short since I'm out at the bar. It's okay to enjoy the $1 beers before the game. The boycott only applies to concessions inside the Arena.

Okay, back to drowning my sorrows over tonight's loss. Seriously, the Bobcats?

Stickin' it to the man starts here

Welcome to the chili revolution. The concession stand overlords have decided to take away America's favorite hot dog condiment from hungry, hard-working fans at the New Orleans Arena. The chili-tariat will NOT be silenced. If you're like us, and you want your damn chili back, here's where you can do your part. It's as simple as clicking this link and telling the overlords what you think.

Here, you can even borrow the letter I wrote:

To Whom It May Concern:

I am a Hornets fan and frequent visitor to the New Orleans Arena. At every Hornets game I have ever attended up to and including last season’s playoff run, I have purchased a foot-long hot dog with chili and a large cola beverage at the end of the first quarter. This season, when attending the Hornets’ preseason opener against the Warriors, I was shocked and appalled when the concession workers informed me that chili is no longer being offered at the Arena. The chili dog is a staple of sports fandom, and to refuse to make it available to hungry fans that paid their hard-earned money to attend events at the Arena is unconscionable.

I have racked my brain to come up with a possible explanation for this decision, and have only come up with two – neither of which is legitimate, in my opinion, for the reasons outlined below:

• The almighty dollar. Sure, there was no charge for chili in previous years, so you’re probably taking a hit by paying a supplier for chili then giving it up for free. Here’s the thing – I know the market price on a plain hot dog isn’t $5 apiece, so there’s no way you’re taking enough of a hit to put you in the red on hot dogs. Even if you are, you can pass along the additional cost of chili and preserve your precious margins by charging extra for a dog with chili. I’ve been to countless stadia, arenas, theaters, etc. that do just that at charges ranging from $0.25 up to $0.75 and people – myself included – gladly pay it. So to say that the only way to maximize your margins on hot dogs is to not offer chili at all is preposterous.

• It ‘s messy. Poppycock. Horse feathers, even! Ketchup, mustard, onions, relish, sauerkraut and the barbecue sauce you offer with the chicken finger basket are just as messy. Moreover, I argue that ketchup and barbecue sauce are even messier than chili. Both list sugar in their ingredients and, as such, are not only unsightly when spilled, but sticky as well.

If there is some other explanation that you believe is palatable, I would be thrilled to hear it. In the interim, and until such time as chili is restored to the concession stands at the Arena, I am left with no choice but to cease patronage of the concession stands there or at any other arena operated by SMG or whose concessions purveyed by Centerplate.

Join us. Fight the good fight. Chili for all, and damn those who say otherwise!

NO CHILI, NO PEACE!!!!